Where have you abandoned yourself?

Last night I sat in meditation. It was 10:40pm and I am usually asleep by 10.

It had been a busy day and by the time I got my son down to sleep and ate a late dinner, it was already 9:45. Then I had to chose to do my daily writing, a practice I’m trying to stay committed to after ignoring it for years.

And then I had to chose to meditate.

I’m not sure I accomplished much. (I know that’s not the point of meditation but still…) I didn’t sit for long. Maybe just a few minutes.

But as I sat, I thought about the ways I’ve abandoned myself over the years.

Five years ago I heard in meditation that I needed to write. Not blog posts but something else. Most likely a book. “Write every day. It doesn’t matter what you write. Just start.” For five years, I have listened to that voice telling me to write and for five years I have been resisting.

A year ago, I heard that I needed to meditate every day, and I promised to do it.

I didn’t last very long before I stopped and began only meditating a few times a week. Sometimes not even that.

These are seemingly small things, but when your soul is speaking to you, and you ignore it, it matters.

I’ve heard that when you think God has abandoned you, it is in fact you who has abandoned God.

And I think that when you hear a whisper over and over and you continually ignore it, you are in some way abandoning yourself…abandoning the call of your soul.

I have to wonder what would be different today if I had written for the last five years. What would be different today if I had meditated every day for the last year?

Maybe nothing.

Maybe everything.

So where are you not listening?

And how can you start answering the call of your soul today? 


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